Today’s post “बोलने से कोई सुधर जाता है क्या” dedicated to my mother Shrimati Late Kamalrani ji Ramratan ji Gupta as described by my sister Sau Kiran ji Gupta

Yes, my mother was education up to 4th class, but she had a treasure of good qualities. I had unique opportunity to stay with her for long time and remember  one  of best advice she gave it to us

In  most situations it’s very common that when someone hurt our feeling or communicate in wrong manner  or  bad word ( example what you did for me ?) etc.  Our first reaction could have been to explain the person that he or she is wrong . We had many situations when family or community member told my mother inappropriate word and we being closed to her used to ask why doesn’t she reply back ?

My mother used to console and teach us that  don’t reply as no one in the world can listen and change the behavior, most likely such communication  will ignite bad though process . Her  golden mantra was   “Bolne Se Koi Sudhar jata hai kya “Batt badane se kya milega”.Today after so many years  we realized her golden approach that unless particular person himself or herself didn’t realize need for change in approach to see the world differently no counselling will be helpful. If someone has hurt your feeling than reply back in same tone is not right as it can explode and increase our stress level .

My mothers teaching became  one of great life principle how to remain happy . This principle is also taught in most  spiritual discourses or management program .  Now we have tears in our eyes remembering the deep meaning behind  my mother’s  advice It is  very easy to comment for others, but we never comment or think on our own behaviors with others .My mother also treated daughter and daughter’s in law same manner and never raised her voice throughout her life . Her simplicity ,humbleness and compassion is really our ancestral life long life value that can’t be exchanged by no monetary value .

I also remember good saying that’s support my mother’s teaching  Kabirji  used to say

Bura Jo Dekhan Main Chala, Bura Naa Milya Koye
Jo Munn Khoja Apnaa, To Mujhse Bura Naa Koye

बुरा जो देखन मैं चला, बुरा न मिलिया कोय ।
जो दिल खोजा आपना, मुझसे बुरा न कोय ।।

भावार्थ:कबीर दास जी कहते हैं, जब मैंने इस संसार में बुरे लोगो को खोजा, तो मुझे कोई भी बुरा आदमी नहीं मिला| परन्तु जब अपने अंदर झाँका (अपनी अंतरात्मा में खोजा) तो मुझसे बुरा नहीं कोई इस सं सार में

This doha deals with our perception behavior and tendencies. It has been invariably noticed that we tend to find fault with someone else for our situations and circumstances. Our “I“, the ego, always tries to put blame on others. Non-awareness of our own self is the cause of this attitude. Resultantly, we find ourselves being busy in criticizing and condemning others and conveniently term them as crooked or evil.

So Kabir says that instead of finding fault and maligning others, dive deep into your own self. Amazingly, an honest introspection will reveal that all fault lies with “me” and “my” own perceptions and attitudes. If there is any evil or crookedness, it is in “me”. Correcting this and opting for a loving and compassionate attitude will change one’s perceptions and the world will appear wonderful all over again.

Another example from Ramayana – Sunderkand – Context- After Doha 43

Vibhishan ji tries to provide  his brother Ravana analogy to give Sita ji . Ravana  didn’t listen and disrespected   Vibhishan ji who then went to meet Shriram ji. He was afraid if ShriRamji will give him opportunity to join. Currently Sugreev ji ask Shriram ji  advice to invite  Vibhishanji to their camp. Shriram ji beautifully explained  as follows  

निर्मल मन जन सो मोहि पावा, मोहि कपट छल छिद्र न भावा
भेद लेन पठवा दससीसा। तबहुँ न कछु भय हानि कपीसा॥

nirmal man jan so mohi pava. mohi kapat chhal chhidr n bhava॥
bhed len pathava dasasisa. tabahun n kachhu bhay hani kapisa॥3॥

(The Pure of Heart can find me in them. I do not come to Pretenders, Deceivers and Vicious persons.)

जो मनुष्य निर्मल मन का होता है, वही मुझे पाता है। मुझे कपट और छल-छिद्र नहीं सुहाते। यदि उसे रावण ने भेद लेने को भेजा है, तब भी हे सुग्रीव! अपने को कुछ भी भय या हानि नहीं है।

जब तक मन शुद्ध नहीं होगा, तब तक मुक्ति नहीं मिल सकती है।मन अगर शुद्ध हो गया तो चरित्र भी शुद्ध हो जाएगा और अगर चरित्र शुद्ध होगा तो श्रीकृष्ण तक अवश्य पहुंच जाओगे। बाल सुलभ सरलता एवं निश्छलता ही ईश्वर प्राप्ति की सच्ची योग्यता हैं 

3rd example

नहाये धोये क्या हुआ, जो मन मैल न जाए

कबीर के दोहे Kabir ke dohe

नहाये धोये क्या हुआ, जो मन मैल न जाए 

भावार्थ: कबीर दास जी कहते हैं कि आप कितना भी नहा धो लीजिए, लेकिन अगर मन साफ़ नहीं हुआ तो उसे नहाने का क्या फायदा, जैसे मछली हमेशा पानी में रहती है लेकिन फिर भी वो साफ़ नहीं होती, मछली में तेज बदबू आती है।

Meaning:- Kabir Saheb Ji lamented the fake practices of Hindus as they take holy dip in the Ganga but don’t stop doing the evil activities. He (Kabir Saheb Ji) further clarifies this by taking an example of a fish that forever remains in water, but still its bad smell prevails. 

Kiran sister further comments – Additional perspective not covered above

Normally  most of time we live for outside world like  some  pandit ji( Priest ) having tika on forehead and wearing  special colors of  cloth’s  and  japmala in  the hand . In my opinion this itself doesn’t qualify being great Pandit . Real knowledgeable Pandit ji mind and soul should be pure with spiritual knowledge   

Important aspect is to enhance our mind with good thoughts .Our inner heart should be pure  like Chandan keeps his fragrance and good quality even though  poisonous  snakes and Ajagars always find home in Chandan’s tree .But Chandan never  leave its purity . This demonstrates  another illustration  to build good habit to enhance our inner soul for success in our life .

At last, our father  always used to have  advised me that  every Sunday for few hours  observe silence and don’t take with anyone ( Maun ).I never understood his meaning behind this advice  and at that time thought this as penalty or punishment  !!Now after so many years ,I understood  that my father’s  advice was to assist me in  developing  inner and mental health. Additionally, this time also can be devoted to talk with ourselves  so as to act as correction factor for our own perspective and  behaviors a very important steps to lead a happy life.